In a breathtaking display of desperation, Monkey House Intelligence Committee Chairman Peter Hoekstra, R-Mich along with Sen. Rick "Spooky" Santorum, R-Pa. announced that finally, FINALLY! three years later, the missing weapons of mass destruction have turned up.

Actually, cooked up is more like it.

A new intelligence report referenced an three-year old report of old chemical artillery shells left over and obviously discarded from before the first Gulf War. The new intelligence report left out what the old report said, that they posed no threat to Americans, providing we stayed out from under them and somehow managed not to eat them.