John McCain
Remade, repackaged, reassembled. New, improved, almost Bush.

Mitt Romney

Sen. George F. Allen, VA

Michael Jesus Archangel, MI
aka St. Michael Jesus the Archangel, the candidate formerly known as Philip Jesse Silva "From the time I was a little boy I knew I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone." Family: Wife: Blessed Virgin Mary. Older brother: Jesus Christ. A self-proclaim Reagan Republican who has drifted in and out of the Libertarian Party over the years. Wants to proclaim America an official Christian theocracy and prevent godless liberals from taking this country further and further down the path to socialist destruction.

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Sen. Samuel D. Brownback, KS
Theoconservative. Makes Mikey (above) look like a Hollywood progressive

John H. Cox, IL
Rich lawyer from Chicago. Experience: Ran for Congress, lost. Ran for Senate, lost. Ran for Chicago Recorder of Deeds, lost. Cook County dogcatcher is no longer an elected position, so is now running for president.

Sen. Bill Frist, TN
Senate majority leader, a doctor who sent Hypocrates spinning in his grave, with his cockamamy comments on human reproduction the last couple of years.

Newt Gingrich, GA
Please, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!! Run Newt RUN!!!!!! Former speaker of the House. Bomb thrower. Loose cannon. Quasi, semi, hemi intellectual. Couldn't you just see Newt VS Hillary? YOIKS!

Rudy Giulani, NY
Former mayor of New York. If he decides to run, will be a formidable candidate against McCain, BUT, he is pro choice and has periodic breathelessly poor judgment of character.

Condoleezza Rice, CA
Rumored to be Secretary of State. Spectacularly poor liar, as witnessed by her comments in the run up to the war in Iraq.